Choosing a Career

A man must pursue a manly career. The following is a ranking of the top 10 manliest career paths:

10. Fireman
9. Alaskan Crab Fisherman
8. Blackhawk Pilot
7. Sharpshooter
6. Cigar Roller
5. Brewmaster
4. Marine Sniper
3. Lumberjack
2. Ninja
1. Pirate

Road Trip Music

The radio is under complete control of the vehicles operator, but may be overruled by unanimous plea. Driver waives rights to music control should they ever play music that is deemed ‘not in the spirit of the road trip’ by the rest of those in the vehicle.

In the event of inability to agree on a radio station, the driver may elect that his own or another’s iPod may be used for music, but is also subject to overrule.

A Friend’s Ex

A friend’s ex girlfriend is off limits unless any of the following conditions are met:

  • Verbal consent of the friend, witnessed by at least one other man.
  • The girl in question was involved with you prior to her interaction with the friend.
  • The friend has knowingly engaged in the pursuit of a woman you were interested in (retribution clause).

A man’s ex wife is completely off limits, punishable up to tier 7.

Gym Etiquette

You are obliged to provide a spot for any man who looks like he could use one. This should be broached delicately, a simple “Want a spot?” will suffice. Take care to not indicate a man’s weakness, only your willingness to help.

If a man spots you, you are obligated to return the favor.

You may never uses vaguely homosexual remarks in a gym setting. Avoid phrases like “Let’s hit the showers” or “Push it”, and always remember, never smack an ass.

Avoid resonating the bad habits of that guy at the gym we all know. This can be accomplished by following these tips:

  • Do not grunt excessively while lifting
  • Do not wear sandals
  • Do not flex for extended periods in front of the mirror
  • Do not use phrases like “getting jacked”
  • Avoid lifting for 2 minutes in between 20 minute conversations with your buddy

Above all else, at the gym, respect those around you and work out efficiently. This is the path to true manliness.

Man Hug

A man hug must meet the following conditions:

  • Only one arm behind the back may be used.
  • No more than 3 pats.
  • No facial contact (preferably at least 3 inches of separation).
  • No lingering.
  • ABSOLUTELY no contented sighs.

Cheating Intervention

You must make an honest attempt to intervene before a friend has a drunken hookup with another girl while in a committed relationship.

It is not your duty to police the relationship, only to offer a friendly reminder.

If the man indicates that he is of sound mind and will, you are obligated to let him make his own mistakes.

If asked by his girlfriend, you know nothing, as per the Secrecy code, but it is expected that you have a great deal less respect for the man.

Messing Around with your Buddy’s Girl

Any form of sexual interaction with your buddy’s girlfriend is punishable beyond the man code. You will need to refer to your state’s Crimes of Passion laws.

There are a few exceptions that decrease the severity of the transgression (similiar to ‘A Friend’s Ex‘:

  • Verbal consent of the friend, witnessed by at least two other men.
  • The girl in question was involved with you prior to her interaction with the friend.
  • The friend has knowingly engaged in the pursuit of a woman you were interested in (retribution clause).

Poker

Every man will know how to play poker, and understand the rank of hands.

Betting is not necessary to be manly, but a true man will have, at least once in his life, play a poker/blackjack session with real stakes.

Preventing Hookups

Sometimes, it may be necessary for a friend’s integrity to intervene before he hooks up with a woman. This can happen for a variety of reasons, including inability to recognize his own beer goggles, the girls 7’0″ 300 lb boyfriend, or that strange bulge in her pants that your buddy has overlooked.

When choosing to intervene, you may only do so when the act of intervention renders both of you unable to hookup. In other words, it cannot be performed in a competitive nature:

  • You may turn the lights on.
  • You may discontinue your friend from drinking.
  • You may not slip in to the conversation while your buddy is in the bathroom.

Road Trip Pit Stops

When on a road trip, major logistical decisions may be made by the driver of the vehicle. Decisions can only be overruled by the owner of the vehicle.

This includes food and urination breaks. However, should the driver abuse his power and the vehicle becomes soiled, the driver will take full responsibility. With this considered, it is prudent of a driver to use discretion and to be reasonable