Offical Man Laws – Rules to live by for the common man.

A Buddy’s Sister

A friend’s sister is completely off limits for all forms of dating activity unless the intent of marriage is provable to a court of fellow men.

For the above statement, a man is officially your friend when you have met any of the following conditions:

You have bought more than 1 drink for this person in the past month.
You have invited this person to a party, sporting event or music venue.
You have had any form of a man-date.
You have spent more than 60 minutes in conversation with this person by choice (i.e., not stuck seated adjacent on a transcontinental flight, etc.)
You have ever referred to this person by any of the following terms: bro, buddy, chief, this guy I know.

Notable Exceptions: The friend in question has the right to grant consent in allowing you to pursue his sister, but should not do so lightly, as a one-time consent is permanently valid and irrevocable.

Punishments:

Making his sister cry: The brother may swing at you up to three punches before you may engage in any form physical defense or offense. This is a tier 7 offense.
Making his sister pregnant: The brother may enlist as many other men as he chooses in order to start an altercation with you. At the brother’s discretion, they may beat you to any extent except death, as you will be required by man-code to provide financial support until the baby has graduated from Harvard. This is a tier 9 offense.

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Grilling

Grilling is the manly choice for all forms of cooking.

Anything can be grilled.

Even birthday cake.

Road Trip Pit Stops

When on a road trip, major logistical decisions may be made by the driver of the vehicle. Decisions can only be overruled by the owner of the vehicle.

This includes food and urination breaks. However, should the driver abuse his power and the vehicle becomes soiled, the driver will take full responsibility. With this considered, it is prudent of a driver to use discretion and to be reasonable

Poker

Every man will know how to play poker, and understand the rank of hands.

Betting is not necessary to be manly, but a true man will have, at least once in his life, play a poker/blackjack session with real stakes.

Cigars

Cigars are manly.

Every man should at least once in his life, smoke a premium cigar.

A man will not consider a premium cigar one he bought at a gas station.

A man will know how to cut and properly light the cigar.

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Bail Money

Should a friend ever be arrested and jailed for a period of more than 1 night, it is the obligation of a man to post bail money up to 3 months pay.

Notable exceptions:

It is the expectation that should the defendant’s act not have violated any of the man code, an honorably friend would have participated in the act and should be jailed also.

Hot Girl Proximity

If you detect the presence of an attractive girl (7 or better), it is your duty and obligation to silently nudge your buddy and indicate.

No words are needed, just silent appreciation.

Borrowing

A friend of a man will be permitted to borrow any item of a fellow man’s under certain condtions.

The borrower has given 24-hour notice if the item is used on a daily basis by the owner.
The borrower has given 12-hour notice if the item is used occasionally by the owner.
The borrower may ask for immediate lending if the item is rarely used by the owner.

The item may be refused for lending only if any of the following conditions are met;

The item has intrinsic value as a family heirloom or keepsake.
The item is extremely delicate.
The item cannot be operated without certain training (this doesn’t apply to tools as any man has inherited skill as a craftsmen).
The item is a wife or girlfriend, which likely makes the former three conditions apply.

Gifts for the Fellow Man

Some other man code dictates that the giving of birthday or other gifts is unmanly.

This code declares that gift-giving is acceptable providing that the gift is manly.

Manly gift ideas include boxes of cigars, chainsaws, pet tigers and drag racers.

Facial Hair

Facial hair should always be considered the manly choice. However, it must be done in a superior manner:

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Rules to live by for the common man.