127

Meat

Meat is manly, and all vegetarians may be excessively mocked under man code.

Rules to live by for men:

  • Refer to the steak laws.
  • Tofu shall never be a substitute.
  • Keep is simple – beer, steak sauce, salt and pepper are all good with beer, but Tabbouleh with finely chopped parsely is probably unmanly.
  • Meat shall always be grilled and/or cooked over an open fire.
  • It is encouraged to kill your own meat (your girlfriend’s cat inclusively).
59

Sleeping Accomodations

Men who are forced to occupy close living quarters should not occupy the same bed. In all situations, the floor should be preferred.

However, if it becomes infeasible to do so, wearing sweat pants or other fully-covering garment of clothing is necessary.

56

A Man’s Zipper

A man’s zipper is his own business.

If by accident, you notice another man’s fly is down, you didn’t see anything. It was your imagination. You may never admit to even momentarily looking in the vicinity of another man’s Savannah.

132

Cheerleading

Cheerleading is only a spectator sport.

86

Cats and Dogs

Dogs are and shall always be man’s best friend.

Cats are plotting to kill you.

A dog is a man’s true companion. You will risk your life to save your dog’s, as he would do the same. He will be there when your woman leaves, when your car dies and when your team loses the Super Bowl by 1 point.

The cat is not a pet, it’s a mutineer, and it’s plotting to end your life as your sleep. Always keep a watchful eye.

89

Road Trip Music

The radio is under complete control of the vehicles operator, but may be overruled by unanimous plea. Driver waives rights to music control should they ever play music that is deemed ‘not in the spirit of the road trip’ by the rest of those in the vehicle.

In the event of inability to agree on a radio station, the driver may elect that his own or another’s iPod may be used for music, but is also subject to overrule.

26

Eating Healthy

Contrary to some man code, eating healthy is not unmanly. You should take care of your body, exercise it and work to improve your manliness.

However, avoid these pitfalls:

  • When choosing a healthy eating option, do not verbally express your disgust. i.e. “Ew, McDonalds is so bad for you, lets go somewhere to get a salad.” This makes you a bitch.
  • When looking over a menu, you may not request tofu or soy substitutions in the presence of other men.
  • Salads are only manly if they contain something that used to have a face.
-36

Gym Etiquette

You are obliged to provide a spot for any man who looks like he could use one. This should be broached delicately, a simple “Want a spot?” will suffice. Take care to not indicate a man’s weakness, only your willingness to help.

If a man spots you, you are obligated to return the favor.

You may never uses vaguely homosexual remarks in a gym setting. Avoid phrases like “Let’s hit the showers” or “Push it”, and always remember, never smack an ass.

Avoid resonating the bad habits of that guy at the gym we all know. This can be accomplished by following these tips:

  • Do not grunt excessively while lifting
  • Do not wear sandals
  • Do not flex for extended periods in front of the mirror
  • Do not use phrases like “getting jacked”
  • Avoid lifting for 2 minutes in between 20 minute conversations with your buddy

Above all else, at the gym, respect those around you and work out efficiently. This is the path to true manliness.

77

Women’s Driving Skill

It shall not be considered chauvinism to accuse a woman or the entire gender of inability to drive.

There are simply skills that each gender holds alone. Women can do some amazing things, but driving is simply not one of them.

Men are spacial, women are verbal. We cannot be expected to effectively communicate, but damnit, we know where our back bumper is.

Chauvinism
89

Use of a GPS Device

It has been determined in the past that use of a map is not acceptable by a code-following man. However, with the advent of portable GPS devices, a decision between the map rule and a man’s right to the use of his toys must be made.

So, unless agreed upon otherwise, the use of a GPS will be neutral and will not make the user appear less manly.

However, the ability to find a destination of over 50 miles away without the use of GPS will be a sign of great manliness and therefore, every man should strive to be an excellent navigator without the use of electronic devices.

 

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