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Gym Etiquette

You are obliged to provide a spot for any man who looks like he could use one. This should be broached delicately, a simple “Want a spot?” will suffice. Take care to not indicate a man’s weakness, only your willingness to help.

If a man spots you, you are obligated to return the favor.

You may never uses vaguely homosexual remarks in a gym setting. Avoid phrases like “Let’s hit the showers” or “Push it”, and always remember, never smack an ass.

Avoid resonating the bad habits of that guy at the gym we all know. This can be accomplished by following these tips:

  • Do not grunt excessively while lifting
  • Do not wear sandals
  • Do not flex for extended periods in front of the mirror
  • Do not use phrases like “getting jacked”
  • Avoid lifting for 2 minutes in between 20 minute conversations with your buddy

Above all else, at the gym, respect those around you and work out efficiently. This is the path to true manliness.

111

Messing Around with your Buddy’s Girl

Any form of sexual interaction with your buddy’s girlfriend is punishable beyond the man code. You will need to refer to your state’s Crimes of Passion laws.

There are a few exceptions that decrease the severity of the transgression (similiar to ‘A Friend’s Ex‘:

  • Verbal consent of the friend, witnessed by at least two other men.
  • The girl in question was involved with you prior to her interaction with the friend.
  • The friend has knowingly engaged in the pursuit of a woman you were interested in (retribution clause).
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Wasting Beer

Beer may not be wasted in the name of fun, although splashing from drinking games like beer pong is acceptable.

First instance is requires a Tier 1 Penalty. Multiple infractions may require more severe recourse.

145

Holding Her Purse

It is not permissible for a man to hold a purse for a woman for more minutes than the woman scores on the classic 1-10 hotness scale.

Men are encourages to enforce the statement: “You brought it, you carry it.

161

Long Phone Conversations

A man shall spend no more time on the phone with a woman than he can have sex with her.

If you can make it 60 minutes, well then props to you, fellow man.

42

Brand Logos

A man may not be seen with more than one clothing brand logo without endorsement.

This includes the logos of Nike, Hollister, AE, Airwalk, Adidas, etc.

This applies to clothing brands only, you are encouraged to display signs of your favorite beer or sports team whenever possible.

85

Gifts for the Fellow Man

Some other man code dictates that the giving of birthday or other gifts is unmanly.

This code declares that gift-giving is acceptable providing that the gift is manly.

Manly gift ideas include boxes of cigars, chainsaws, pet tigers and drag racers.

50

Road Trip Pit Stops

When on a road trip, major logistical decisions may be made by the driver of the vehicle. Decisions can only be overruled by the owner of the vehicle.

This includes food and urination breaks. However, should the driver abuse his power and the vehicle becomes soiled, the driver will take full responsibility. With this considered, it is prudent of a driver to use discretion and to be reasonable

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Preventing Hookups

Sometimes, it may be necessary for a friend’s integrity to intervene before he hooks up with a woman. This can happen for a variety of reasons, including inability to recognize his own beer goggles, the girls 7′0″ 300 lb boyfriend, or that strange bulge in her pants that your buddy has overlooked.

When choosing to intervene, you may only do so when the act of intervention renders both of you unable to hookup. In other words, it cannot be performed in a competitive nature:

  • You may turn the lights on.
  • You may discontinue your friend from drinking.
  • You may not slip in to the conversation while your buddy is in the bathroom.
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Going Commando

A man may only go Commando if returning from something awesome. No exceptions.

 

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