A Friend’s Beer and Temperature

A man has the right to stock the beer of his choice in his refrigerator.

No bitching will be permitted about another man’s choice of beer. This is inclusive of the man’s choice in bottles, kegs or cans.

Notable exeptions:

  • Bitching is accepted and encouraged if the said beer is not served at a proper temperatures:
    • Serve fruit beers at 40-50° F.
    • Serve wheat beers and pale lagers at 45-50° F.
    • Serve pale ales and amber or dark lagers at 50-55° F.
    • Serve strong ales, such as barley wines and Belgian ales, at 50-55° F.
    • Serve dark ales, including porters and stouts, at 55-60° F.


Meat is manly, and all vegetarians may be excessively mocked under man code.

Rules to live by for men:

  • Refer to the steak laws.
  • Tofu shall never be a substitute.
  • Keep is simple – beer, steak sauce, salt and pepper are all good with beer, but Tabbouleh with finely chopped parsely is probably unmanly.
  • Meat shall always be grilled and/or cooked over an open fire.
  • It is encouraged to kill your own meat (your girlfriend’s cat inclusively).

Facial Hair

Facial hair should always be considered the manly choice. However, it must be done in a superior manner:

Like this: Not like this:
Sam Elliott Wimpy

Going Commando

A man may only go Commando if returning from something awesome. No exceptions.

Road Trip Pit Stops

When on a road trip, major logistical decisions may be made by the driver of the vehicle. Decisions can only be overruled by the owner of the vehicle.

This includes food and urination breaks. However, should the driver abuse his power and the vehicle becomes soiled, the driver will take full responsibility. With this considered, it is prudent of a driver to use discretion and to be reasonable

Cats and Dogs

Dogs are and shall always be man’s best friend.

Cats are plotting to kill you.

A dog is a man’s true companion. You will risk your life to save your dog’s, as he would do the same. He will be there when your woman leaves, when your car dies and when your team loses the Super Bowl by 1 point.

The cat is not a pet, it’s a mutineer, and it’s plotting to end your life as your sleep. Always keep a watchful eye.


Tools: The more, the manlier. A man spends his extra money on tools.

Every man’s toolbox is custom for his interests and needs, but every man must have the following in his toolbox.

  • Duct tape – For when it moves but shouldn’t.
  • WD40 – For when it doesn’t move but should.

Best Man’s Toast

A Best Man’s Toast shall not include any material that can be potentially harmful for the victim’s relationship with his family or new wife.

Stories that begin with statements such as “This one time in Vegas…”, “That was the first time he got crabs…”, etc. shall be very discouraged.

Punishment will be determined by a court of fellow men.

A Buddy’s Sister

A friend’s sister is completely off limits for all forms of dating activity unless the intent of marriage is provable to a court of fellow men.

For the above statement, a man is officially your friend when you have met any of the following conditions:

  • You have bought more than 1 drink for this person in the past month.
  • You have invited this person to a party, sporting event or music venue.
  • You have had any form of a man-date.
  • You have spent more than 60 minutes in conversation with this person by choice (i.e., not stuck seated adjacent on a transcontinental flight, etc.)
  • You have ever referred to this person by any of the following terms: bro, buddy, chief, this guy I know.

Notable Exceptions: The friend in question has the right to grant consent in allowing you to pursue his sister, but should not do so lightly, as a one-time consent is permanently valid and irrevocable.


  • Making his sister cry: The brother may swing at you up to three punches before you may engage in any form physical defense or offense. This is a tier 7 offense.
  • Making his sister pregnant: The brother may enlist as many other men as he chooses in order to start an altercation with you. At the brother’s discretion, they may beat you to any extent except death, as you will be required by man-code to provide financial support until the baby has graduated from Harvard. This is a tier 9 offense.

Girlfriend’s Pets

You must provide intermittent care for a girlfriend’s pets (feeding, etc.)

You are required to show small levels of affection for these animals despite how delicious Fluffy may look.

If the animal dies, you are also required to show sympathy for the loss, knowing that the girl will return the favor if you ever wreck your Chevy.