A man may only go Commando if returning from something awesome. No exceptions.
You must make an honest attempt to intervene before a friend has a drunken hookup with another girl while in a committed relationship.
It is not your duty to police the relationship, only to offer a friendly reminder.
If the man indicates that he is of sound mind and will, you are obligated to let him make his own mistakes.
If asked by his girlfriend, you know nothing, as per the Secrecy code, but it is expected that you have a great deal less respect for the man.
When vacating a seat for a short amount of time, the holder may announce ‘Fives’. If the word has been said before the ass leaves the pillow, the holder has up to five minutes to retain rights to the seat.
The owner of the seat may overrule this man code, but abuse of that power will lead down a path to the dark side, which eventually will leave that man stranded on the back seat hump during the next 5 hour road trip, so discretion is advised.
It shall not be considered chauvinism to accuse a woman or the entire gender of inability to drive.
There are simply skills that each gender holds alone. Women can do some amazing things, but driving is simply not one of them.
Men are spacial, women are verbal. We cannot be expected to effectively communicate, but damnit, we know where our back bumper is.
Points to remember about steak.
- Minimum of 8 ounces to be considered manly.
- Must be barbecued.
- There are no leftovers.
- Eating gristle makes you manlier.
When on a road trip, major logistical decisions may be made by the driver of the vehicle. Decisions can only be overruled by the owner of the vehicle.
This includes food and urination breaks. However, should the driver abuse his power and the vehicle becomes soiled, the driver will take full responsibility. With this considered, it is prudent of a driver to use discretion and to be reasonable
Gasoline costs shall be split evenly among those participating. The vehicle’s owner may be allowed to pass on a single contribution to the fuel fund in exchange for the use of his vehicle, but this must be agreed upon in advance.
Facial hair should always be considered the manly choice. However, it must be done in a superior manner:
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A man hug must meet the following conditions:
- Only one arm behind the back may be used.
- No more than 3 pats.
- No facial contact (preferably at least 3 inches of separation).
- No lingering.
- ABSOLUTELY no contented sighs.
It is punishable to ’shame’ someone who has passed out at a party, but only if their shoes are off.
If a man passes out with his shoes on, he has incorrectly factored the delicate balance of his sleep requirements, alcohol tolerance, and testicular fortitude. He is open to all forms of shaming – points added for creativity.