86

Preventing Hookups

Sometimes, it may be necessary for a friend’s integrity to intervene before he hooks up with a woman. This can happen for a variety of reasons, including inability to recognize his own beer goggles, the girls 7′0″ 300 lb boyfriend, or that strange bulge in her pants that your buddy has overlooked.

When choosing to intervene, you may only do so when the act of intervention renders both of you unable to hookup. In other words, it cannot be performed in a competitive nature:

  • You may turn the lights on.
  • You may discontinue your friend from drinking.
  • You may not slip in to the conversation while your buddy is in the bathroom.
117

Steak

Points to remember about steak.

  • Minimum of 8 ounces to be considered manly.
  • Must be barbecued.
  • There are no leftovers.
  • Eating gristle makes you manlier.
44

Borrowing

A friend of a man will be permitted to borrow any item of a fellow man’s under certain condtions.

  • The borrower has given 24-hour notice if the item is used on a daily basis by the owner.
  • The borrower has given 12-hour notice if the item is used occasionally by the owner.
  • The borrower may ask for immediate lending if the item is rarely used by the owner.

The item may be refused for lending only if any of the following conditions are met;

  • The item has intrinsic value as a family heirloom or keepsake.
  • The item is extremely delicate.
  • The item cannot be operated without certain training (this doesn’t apply to tools as any man has inherited skill as a craftsmen).
  • The item is a wife or girlfriend, which likely makes the former three conditions apply.
248

Girlfriend’s Pets

You must provide intermittent care for a girlfriend’s pets (feeding, etc.)

You are required to show small levels of affection for these animals despite how delicious Fluffy may look.

If the animal dies, you are also required to show sympathy for the loss, knowing that the girl will return the favor if you ever wreck your Chevy.

210

Grilling

Grilling is the manly choice for all forms of cooking.

Anything can be grilled.

Even birthday cake.

90

Bathroom Etiquette

Two men may only exchange conversation in the bathroom when performing the same tasks, both peeing, both washing hands, etc.

When choosing a urinal, a man shall always attempt to leave at least one empty urinal between him and the next user. If this is impossible, it is still imperative that the man looks directly in front of him.

This is for safety’s sake, and echo’s the Zipper law.

78

The 10 Minute Rule

When sharing a room with another man, there is always the possibility that he will bring a woman in to the room to fool around. This is always accepted, encouraged and praised.

When this is a possibility, a man must respect the 10 Minute Rule by knocking on the door. The man inside must indicate whether it is clear to enter. If no response is heard, a man must wait up to 10 minutes before unlocking the door and entering.

This favor must always be repayed.

This rule is void if the girl is your buddy’s girlfriend.

55

The Shoe Rule

It is punishable to ’shame’ someone who has passed out at a party, but only if their shoes are off.

If a man passes out with his shoes on, he has incorrectly factored the delicate balance of his sleep requirements, alcohol tolerance, and testicular fortitude. He is open to all forms of shaming – points added for creativity.

403

A Friend’s Ex

A friend’s ex girlfriend is off limits unless any of the following conditions are met:

  • Verbal consent of the friend, witnessed by at least one other man.
  • The girl in question was involved with you prior to her interaction with the friend.
  • The friend has knowingly engaged in the pursuit of a woman you were interested in (retribution clause).

A man’s ex wife is completely off limits, punishable up to tier 7.

96

Greeting A Fellow Man

When greeting another man, always use proper handshake form. The crest between the thumb and index fingers on both men must meet firmly but briefly. Two shakes are appropriate for business settings.

Outside of the business world, a nod is usually sufficient:

  • When greeting a friend or buddy, use an upward nod of the head to signify familiarity and casualness.
  • When greeting any other fellow man, use a downward nod to signify the unspoken man code, and the refusal of any form of challenge.
 

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