250

Girlfriend’s Pets

You must provide intermittent care for a girlfriend’s pets (feeding, etc.)

You are required to show small levels of affection for these animals despite how delicious Fluffy may look.

If the animal dies, you are also required to show sympathy for the loss, knowing that the girl will return the favor if you ever wreck your Chevy.

79

Compliments

You may never compliment another man on his physical appearance.

It will not be accepted, for example, to compliment the diameter of another man’s bicep, as this can be misconstrued as a homosexual remark. Alternatively, you may compliment a man’s improvement at the gym.

Example:

Joe, you’re arms are looking huge. WRONG

Holy shit Joe, you did twice as many reps as last month. BETTER

In all situations, a silent nod will be acceptable.

114

Messing Around with your Buddy’s Girl

Any form of sexual interaction with your buddy’s girlfriend is punishable beyond the man code. You will need to refer to your state’s Crimes of Passion laws.

There are a few exceptions that decrease the severity of the transgression (similiar to ‘A Friend’s Ex‘:

  • Verbal consent of the friend, witnessed by at least two other men.
  • The girl in question was involved with you prior to her interaction with the friend.
  • The friend has knowingly engaged in the pursuit of a woman you were interested in (retribution clause).
97

Greeting A Fellow Man

When greeting another man, always use proper handshake form. The crest between the thumb and index fingers on both men must meet firmly but briefly. Two shakes are appropriate for business settings.

Outside of the business world, a nod is usually sufficient:

  • When greeting a friend or buddy, use an upward nod of the head to signify familiarity and casualness.
  • When greeting any other fellow man, use a downward nod to signify the unspoken man code, and the refusal of any form of challenge.
68

Hot Girl Proximity

If you detect the presence of an attractive girl (7 or better), it is your duty and obligation to silently nudge your buddy and indicate.

No words are needed, just silent appreciation.

66

Poker

Every man will know how to play poker, and understand the rank of hands.

Betting is not necessary to be manly, but a true man will have, at least once in his life, play a poker/blackjack session with real stakes.

137

Tools

Tools: The more, the manlier. A man spends his extra money on tools.

Every man’s toolbox is custom for his interests and needs, but every man must have the following in his toolbox.

  • Duct tape – For when it moves but shouldn’t.
  • WD40 – For when it doesn’t move but should.
-52

Bail Money

Should a friend ever be arrested and jailed for a period of more than 1 night, it is the obligation of a man to post bail money up to 3 months pay.

Notable exceptions:

  • It is the expectation that should the defendant’s act not have violated any of the man code, an honorably friend would have participated in the act and should be jailed also.
147

Facial Hair

Facial hair should always be considered the manly choice. However, it must be done in a superior manner:

Like this: Not like this:
Sam Elliott Wimpy
86

Best Man’s Toast

A Best Man’s Toast shall not include any material that can be potentially harmful for the victim’s relationship with his family or new wife.

Stories that begin with statements such as “This one time in Vegas…”, “That was the first time he got crabs…”, etc. shall be very discouraged.

Punishment will be determined by a court of fellow men.

 

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