79

Women’s Driving Skill

It shall not be considered chauvinism to accuse a woman or the entire gender of inability to drive.

There are simply skills that each gender holds alone. Women can do some amazing things, but driving is simply not one of them.

Men are spacial, women are verbal. We cannot be expected to effectively communicate, but damnit, we know where our back bumper is.

Chauvinism
91

Use of a GPS Device

It has been determined in the past that use of a map is not acceptable by a code-following man. However, with the advent of portable GPS devices, a decision between the map rule and a man’s right to the use of his toys must be made.

So, unless agreed upon otherwise, the use of a GPS will be neutral and will not make the user appear less manly.

However, the ability to find a destination of over 50 miles away without the use of GPS will be a sign of great manliness and therefore, every man should strive to be an excellent navigator without the use of electronic devices.

98

Greeting A Fellow Man

When greeting another man, always use proper handshake form. The crest between the thumb and index fingers on both men must meet firmly but briefly. Two shakes are appropriate for business settings.

Outside of the business world, a nod is usually sufficient:

  • When greeting a friend or buddy, use an upward nod of the head to signify familiarity and casualness.
  • When greeting any other fellow man, use a downward nod to signify the unspoken man code, and the refusal of any form of challenge.
72

Hiding Beer

Beer or other alcoholic beverages may not be hidden in the refrigerator under any circumstances. It is acceptable for the owner to request other beverages be consumed first, but in the event of a shortage, all beer is fair game.

Hiding beer is a Tier 3 infraction.

116

Messing Around with your Buddy’s Girl

Any form of sexual interaction with your buddy’s girlfriend is punishable beyond the man code. You will need to refer to your state’s Crimes of Passion laws.

There are a few exceptions that decrease the severity of the transgression (similiar to ‘A Friend’s Ex‘:

  • Verbal consent of the friend, witnessed by at least two other men.
  • The girl in question was involved with you prior to her interaction with the friend.
  • The friend has knowingly engaged in the pursuit of a woman you were interested in (retribution clause).
70

Hot Girl Proximity

If you detect the presence of an attractive girl (7 or better), it is your duty and obligation to silently nudge your buddy and indicate.

No words are needed, just silent appreciation.

66

Cigars

Cigars are manly.

Every man should at least once in his life, smoke a premium cigar.

A man will not consider a premium cigar one he bought at a gas station.

A man will know how to cut and properly light the cigar.

137

Secrecy

A man must claim ignorance on the whereabouts of the fellow man when asked by his wife, girlfriend or significant other.

This law is intrinsic and automatically applies without having to be asked.

Notable exceptions:

  • A man may divulge a fellow man’s whereabouts in extraordinary situations including: natural disasters, personal emergencies, police intervention, etc.
  • This rule is null and void if the fellow man is in considerable debt to the man under question: this includes significant monetary or beer debt. However, this exception only is applicable once per debt, and cannot be used again until the fellow man as accrued another debt.

Violation of a man’s trust requires a tier 4 penalty for first offense, but a more severe penalty may be required if significant repercussions occur by the divulging of information.

94

Bathroom Etiquette

Two men may only exchange conversation in the bathroom when performing the same tasks, both peeing, both washing hands, etc.

When choosing a urinal, a man shall always attempt to leave at least one empty urinal between him and the next user. If this is impossible, it is still imperative that the man looks directly in front of him.

This is for safety’s sake, and echo’s the Zipper law.

55

Romantic Comedies and Chick Flicks

A man may be asked to participate in the viewing of romantic comedies, chick flicks, ‘Sex and the City’ re-runs etc. This is unacceptable behavior unless any of the following conditions are met:

  1. The pursuit of a physical rendezvous is contingent upon showing a woman your ’sensitive’ side.
  2. You truly suspect that the material could lead to an entertaining sex scene, gun-fight, explosion or Chuck-Norris-style ass-kicking.
  3. A recent disagreement with your lady-friend has required you to perform ‘relationship maintenance’ by spending quality time with her.

Noted clarifications:

  • A man shall not ever suggest the viewing of ‘chick flick’ material, and may only be caught viewing under someone woman’s recommendation.
  • The penalty for a man suggesting a movie of questionable manliness to his buddies is grounds for a ass-kicking, unless the man can provide a detailed synopsis of the above mentioned sex scene, gun-fight, explosion or Chuck-Norris-style ass-kicking.

If a man is caught watching a chick flick without meeting any of the above exceptions, the man who caught the infraction may dictate the tier of penalty, but no grater than tier 3 for first offense.

 

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