Laws about Women

159

Long Phone Conversations

A man shall spend no more time on the phone with a woman than he can have sex with her.

If you can make it 60 minutes, well then props to you, fellow man.

144

Holding Her Purse

It is not permissible for a man to hold a purse for a woman for more minutes than the woman scores on the classic 1-10 hotness scale.

Men are encourages to enforce the statement: “You brought it, you carry it.

189

Violence

In all situations, it is a man’s duty to protect himself and those around him.

If a man is seen or known to be physically abusing a woman or child, it is your duty to recruit enough fellow men to whoop his ass.

The Testicular Protection code does not apply, and you are allowed and expected to inflict any amount of pain possible in order to subdue and inform the man of his transgressions.

147

Hooking Up in a Friend’s Bed

Hooking Up in a friend’s bed is discourgaed.

If it happens, a complete washing of sheets is required.

44

Getting a Ride Home

If a man acts as your designated driver, you owe him an equivalent favor.

Also, if your driver has managed to attract a woman and stands a reasonable chance of taking her home, he is entitled to place a request for you to find alternative transportation.

If the cab fare if more than your bar tab for the evening, he is expected but not obligated to pay half of it. This clause doesn’t apply if the man actually takes the woman home.

This law doesn’t apply if the man expects to hook up with his girlfriend, and is still obligated to get you home.

65

Hot Girl Proximity

If you detect the presence of an attractive girl (7 or better), it is your duty and obligation to silently nudge your buddy and indicate.

No words are needed, just silent appreciation.

76

The 10 Minute Rule

When sharing a room with another man, there is always the possibility that he will bring a woman in to the room to fool around. This is always accepted, encouraged and praised.

When this is a possibility, a man must respect the 10 Minute Rule by knocking on the door. The man inside must indicate whether it is clear to enter. If no response is heard, a man must wait up to 10 minutes before unlocking the door and entering.

This favor must always be repayed.

This rule is void if the girl is your buddy’s girlfriend.

66

Cheating Intervention

You must make an honest attempt to intervene before a friend has a drunken hookup with another girl while in a committed relationship.

It is not your duty to police the relationship, only to offer a friendly reminder.

If the man indicates that he is of sound mind and will, you are obligated to let him make his own mistakes.

If asked by his girlfriend, you know nothing, as per the Secrecy code, but it is expected that you have a great deal less respect for the man.

111

Messing Around with your Buddy’s Girl

Any form of sexual interaction with your buddy’s girlfriend is punishable beyond the man code. You will need to refer to your state’s Crimes of Passion laws.

There are a few exceptions that decrease the severity of the transgression (similiar to ‘A Friend’s Ex‘:

  • Verbal consent of the friend, witnessed by at least two other men.
  • The girl in question was involved with you prior to her interaction with the friend.
  • The friend has knowingly engaged in the pursuit of a woman you were interested in (retribution clause).
86

Preventing Hookups

Sometimes, it may be necessary for a friend’s integrity to intervene before he hooks up with a woman. This can happen for a variety of reasons, including inability to recognize his own beer goggles, the girls 7′0″ 300 lb boyfriend, or that strange bulge in her pants that your buddy has overlooked.

When choosing to intervene, you may only do so when the act of intervention renders both of you unable to hookup. In other words, it cannot be performed in a competitive nature:

  • You may turn the lights on.
  • You may discontinue your friend from drinking.
  • You may not slip in to the conversation while your buddy is in the bathroom.
 

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