Laws about The Man

39

Tying a Tie

A man will be able to tie a tie in less than a minute on the first attempt.

If a man is unable, he will practice in his leisure.

You may tie to your own specifications, but we advise knowing any of the following:

-248

Choosing a Career

A man must pursue a manly career. The following is a ranking of the top 10 manliest career paths:

10. Fireman
9. Alaskan Crab Fisherman
8. Blackhawk Pilot
7. Sharpshooter
6. Cigar Roller
5. Brewmaster
4. Marine Sniper
3. Lumberjack
2. Ninja
1. Pirate

142

Facial Hair

Facial hair should always be considered the manly choice. However, it must be done in a superior manner:

Like this: Not like this:
Sam Elliott Wimpy
-44

Going Commando

A man may only go Commando if returning from something awesome. No exceptions.

59

Sleeping Accomodations

Men who are forced to occupy close living quarters should not occupy the same bed. In all situations, the floor should be preferred.

However, if it becomes infeasible to do so, wearing sweat pants or other fully-covering garment of clothing is necessary.

20

Eating Healthy

Contrary to some man code, eating healthy is not unmanly. You should take care of your body, exercise it and work to improve your manliness.

However, avoid these pitfalls:

  • When choosing a healthy eating option, do not verbally express your disgust. i.e. “Ew, McDonalds is so bad for you, lets go somewhere to get a salad.” This makes you a bitch.
  • When looking over a menu, you may not request tofu or soy substitutions in the presence of other men.
  • Salads are only manly if they contain something that used to have a face.
-34

Gym Etiquette

You are obliged to provide a spot for any man who looks like he could use one. This should be broached delicately, a simple “Want a spot?” will suffice. Take care to not indicate a man’s weakness, only your willingness to help.

If a man spots you, you are obligated to return the favor.

You may never uses vaguely homosexual remarks in a gym setting. Avoid phrases like “Let’s hit the showers” or “Push it”, and always remember, never smack an ass.

Avoid resonating the bad habits of that guy at the gym we all know. This can be accomplished by following these tips:

  • Do not grunt excessively while lifting
  • Do not wear sandals
  • Do not flex for extended periods in front of the mirror
  • Do not use phrases like “getting jacked”
  • Avoid lifting for 2 minutes in between 20 minute conversations with your buddy

Above all else, at the gym, respect those around you and work out efficiently. This is the path to true manliness.

282

Assault on Testicles

The testicles are sacred. They are the source of our power, the inspiration of the code and the link to future generations. They are to be respected and protected.

Thus, the assault of one man on anothers’ testicles shall only be employed in situations of life or death. In a fist fight or other non-lethal altercation, testicles remain off limits. Only when you fear the loss of your own or anothers’ life may you use an attack on the testicles to dispatch your aggressor.

There is some tolerance for acts such as ‘dapping’ or falsified attempt on causing serious testicular harm, however, deliberate and unwarranted attacks on another man’s junk are a tier 8 offense.

42

Brand Logos

A man may not be seen with more than one clothing brand logo without endorsement.

This includes the logos of Nike, Hollister, AE, Airwalk, Adidas, etc.

This applies to clothing brands only, you are encouraged to display signs of your favorite beer or sports team whenever possible.

48

A Man’s Zipper

A man’s zipper is his own business.

If by accident, you notice another man’s fly is down, you didn’t see anything. It was your imagination. You may never admit to even momentarily looking in the vicinity of another man’s Savannah.

 

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