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Choosing a Career

A man must pursue a manly career. The following is a ranking of the top 10 manliest career paths:

10. Fireman
9. Alaskan Crab Fisherman
8. Blackhawk Pilot
7. Sharpshooter
6. Cigar Roller
5. Brewmaster
4. Marine Sniper
3. Lumberjack
2. Ninja
1. Pirate

45

Getting a Ride Home

If a man acts as your designated driver, you owe him an equivalent favor.

Also, if your driver has managed to attract a woman and stands a reasonable chance of taking her home, he is entitled to place a request for you to find alternative transportation.

If the cab fare if more than your bar tab for the evening, he is expected but not obligated to pay half of it. This clause doesn’t apply if the man actually takes the woman home.

This law doesn’t apply if the man expects to hook up with his girlfriend, and is still obligated to get you home.

67

Cheating Intervention

You must make an honest attempt to intervene before a friend has a drunken hookup with another girl while in a committed relationship.

It is not your duty to police the relationship, only to offer a friendly reminder.

If the man indicates that he is of sound mind and will, you are obligated to let him make his own mistakes.

If asked by his girlfriend, you know nothing, as per the Secrecy code, but it is expected that you have a great deal less respect for the man.

73

Women’s Driving Skill

It shall not be considered chauvinism to accuse a woman or the entire gender of inability to drive.

There are simply skills that each gender holds alone. Women can do some amazing things, but driving is simply not one of them.

Men are spacial, women are verbal. We cannot be expected to effectively communicate, but damnit, we know where our back bumper is.

Chauvinism
145

Holding Her Purse

It is not permissible for a man to hold a purse for a woman for more minutes than the woman scores on the classic 1-10 hotness scale.

Men are encourages to enforce the statement: “You brought it, you carry it.

108

Picking Sports Teams

When playing a sport, it is customary to elect two captains and stand the remaining individuals in line. First choice is determined by coin flip or other agreement of your choice.

Both captains alternate in picking members of their team until no choices remain.

If acting as captain, you may pick superior athletes over your buddy for a few rounds in order to preserve the athletic potential of your team, however it is improper to allow your buddy to be last picked. This is classified as a dick move.

147

Hooking Up in a Friend’s Bed

Hooking Up in a friend’s bed is discourgaed.

If it happens, a complete washing of sheets is required.

55

The Shoe Rule

It is punishable to ’shame’ someone who has passed out at a party, but only if their shoes are off.

If a man passes out with his shoes on, he has incorrectly factored the delicate balance of his sleep requirements, alcohol tolerance, and testicular fortitude. He is open to all forms of shaming – points added for creativity.

50

Road Trip Pit Stops

When on a road trip, major logistical decisions may be made by the driver of the vehicle. Decisions can only be overruled by the owner of the vehicle.

This includes food and urination breaks. However, should the driver abuse his power and the vehicle becomes soiled, the driver will take full responsibility. With this considered, it is prudent of a driver to use discretion and to be reasonable

132

Tools

Tools: The more, the manlier. A man spends his extra money on tools.

Every man’s toolbox is custom for his interests and needs, but every man must have the following in his toolbox.

  • Duct tape – For when it moves but shouldn’t.
  • WD40 – For when it doesn’t move but should.
 

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