55

Romantic Comedies and Chick Flicks

A man may be asked to participate in the viewing of romantic comedies, chick flicks, ‘Sex and the City’ re-runs etc. This is unacceptable behavior unless any of the following conditions are met:

  1. The pursuit of a physical rendezvous is contingent upon showing a woman your ’sensitive’ side.
  2. You truly suspect that the material could lead to an entertaining sex scene, gun-fight, explosion or Chuck-Norris-style ass-kicking.
  3. A recent disagreement with your lady-friend has required you to perform ‘relationship maintenance’ by spending quality time with her.

Noted clarifications:

  • A man shall not ever suggest the viewing of ‘chick flick’ material, and may only be caught viewing under someone woman’s recommendation.
  • The penalty for a man suggesting a movie of questionable manliness to his buddies is grounds for a ass-kicking, unless the man can provide a detailed synopsis of the above mentioned sex scene, gun-fight, explosion or Chuck-Norris-style ass-kicking.

If a man is caught watching a chick flick without meeting any of the above exceptions, the man who caught the infraction may dictate the tier of penalty, but no grater than tier 3 for first offense.

275

DUFF – Designated Ugly/Fat Friend

…aka falling on the grenade.

A man who is performing the wingman duty is obligated to entertain the designated ugly or fat friend (DUFF) of the girl his buddy is trying to score with.

This duty can range anywhere from buying a drink to leaving the bar with her.

Should one thing lead to another, and the wingman ends up hooking up with the DUFF, an immediate vow of silence is understood and the wingman shall never hear of it again.

87

Road Trip Music

The radio is under complete control of the vehicles operator, but may be overruled by unanimous plea. Driver waives rights to music control should they ever play music that is deemed ‘not in the spirit of the road trip’ by the rest of those in the vehicle.

In the event of inability to agree on a radio station, the driver may elect that his own or another’s iPod may be used for music, but is also subject to overrule.

142

Facial Hair

Facial hair should always be considered the manly choice. However, it must be done in a superior manner:

Like this: Not like this:
Sam Elliott Wimpy
48

Road Trip Gasoline Expenses

Gasoline costs shall be split evenly among those participating. The vehicle’s owner may be allowed to pass on a single contribution to the fuel fund in exchange for the use of his vehicle, but this must be agreed upon in advance.

64

Cigars

Cigars are manly.

Every man should at least once in his life, smoke a premium cigar.

A man will not consider a premium cigar one he bought at a gas station.

A man will know how to cut and properly light the cigar.

77

The 10 Minute Rule

When sharing a room with another man, there is always the possibility that he will bring a woman in to the room to fool around. This is always accepted, encouraged and praised.

When this is a possibility, a man must respect the 10 Minute Rule by knocking on the door. The man inside must indicate whether it is clear to enter. If no response is heard, a man must wait up to 10 minutes before unlocking the door and entering.

This favor must always be repayed.

This rule is void if the girl is your buddy’s girlfriend.

90

Bathroom Etiquette

Two men may only exchange conversation in the bathroom when performing the same tasks, both peeing, both washing hands, etc.

When choosing a urinal, a man shall always attempt to leave at least one empty urinal between him and the next user. If this is impossible, it is still imperative that the man looks directly in front of him.

This is for safety’s sake, and echo’s the Zipper law.

72

Hiding Beer

Beer or other alcoholic beverages may not be hidden in the refrigerator under any circumstances. It is acceptable for the owner to request other beverages be consumed first, but in the event of a shortage, all beer is fair game.

Hiding beer is a Tier 3 infraction.

-33

Gym Etiquette

You are obliged to provide a spot for any man who looks like he could use one. This should be broached delicately, a simple “Want a spot?” will suffice. Take care to not indicate a man’s weakness, only your willingness to help.

If a man spots you, you are obligated to return the favor.

You may never uses vaguely homosexual remarks in a gym setting. Avoid phrases like “Let’s hit the showers” or “Push it”, and always remember, never smack an ass.

Avoid resonating the bad habits of that guy at the gym we all know. This can be accomplished by following these tips:

  • Do not grunt excessively while lifting
  • Do not wear sandals
  • Do not flex for extended periods in front of the mirror
  • Do not use phrases like “getting jacked”
  • Avoid lifting for 2 minutes in between 20 minute conversations with your buddy

Above all else, at the gym, respect those around you and work out efficiently. This is the path to true manliness.

 

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