If you miss the high five on the first attempt, no re-attempt can be made in a manly way. Accept defeat and move on.
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High Fives
It shall not be considered chauvinism to accuse a woman or the entire gender of inability to drive.
There are simply skills that each gender holds alone. Women can do some amazing things, but driving is simply not one of them.
Men are spacial, women are verbal. We cannot be expected to effectively communicate, but damnit, we know where our back bumper is.
Chauvinism
It has been determined in the past that use of a map is not acceptable by a code-following man. However, with the advent of portable GPS devices, a decision between the map rule and a man’s right to the use of his toys must be made.
So, unless agreed upon otherwise, the use of a GPS will be neutral and will not make the user appear less manly.
However, the ability to find a destination of over 50 miles away without the use of GPS will be a sign of great manliness and therefore, every man should strive to be an excellent navigator without the use of electronic devices.
Some other man code dictates that the giving of birthday or other gifts is unmanly.
This code declares that gift-giving is acceptable providing that the gift is manly.
Manly gift ideas include boxes of cigars, chainsaws, pet tigers and drag racers.
Hooking Up in a friend’s bed is discourgaed.
If it happens, a complete washing of sheets is required.
The testicles are sacred. They are the source of our power, the inspiration of the code and the link to future generations. They are to be respected and protected.
Thus, the assault of one man on anothers’ testicles shall only be employed in situations of life or death. In a fist fight or other non-lethal altercation, testicles remain off limits. Only when you fear the loss of your own or anothers’ life may you use an attack on the testicles to dispatch your aggressor.
There is some tolerance for acts such as ‘dapping’ or falsified attempt on causing serious testicular harm, however, deliberate and unwarranted attacks on another man’s junk are a tier 8 offense.
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Cheerleading
Cheerleading is only a spectator sport.
A man may be asked to participate in the viewing of romantic comedies, chick flicks, ‘Sex and the City’ re-runs etc. This is unacceptable behavior unless any of the following conditions are met:
- The pursuit of a physical rendezvous is contingent upon showing a woman your ’sensitive’ side.
- You truly suspect that the material could lead to an entertaining sex scene, gun-fight, explosion or Chuck-Norris-style ass-kicking.
- A recent disagreement with your lady-friend has required you to perform ‘relationship maintenance’ by spending quality time with her.
Noted clarifications:
- A man shall not ever suggest the viewing of ‘chick flick’ material, and may only be caught viewing under someone woman’s recommendation.
- The penalty for a man suggesting a movie of questionable manliness to his buddies is grounds for a ass-kicking, unless the man can provide a detailed synopsis of the above mentioned sex scene, gun-fight, explosion or Chuck-Norris-style ass-kicking.
If a man is caught watching a chick flick without meeting any of the above exceptions, the man who caught the infraction may dictate the tier of penalty, but no grater than tier 3 for first offense.
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Compliments
You may never compliment another man on his physical appearance.
It will not be accepted, for example, to compliment the diameter of another man’s bicep, as this can be misconstrued as a homosexual remark. Alternatively, you may compliment a man’s improvement at the gym.
Example:
Joe, you’re arms are looking huge. WRONG
Holy shit Joe, you did twice as many reps as last month. BETTER
In all situations, a silent nod will be acceptable.
You must provide intermittent care for a girlfriend’s pets (feeding, etc.)
You are required to show small levels of affection for these animals despite how delicious Fluffy may look.
If the animal dies, you are also required to show sympathy for the loss, knowing that the girl will return the favor if you ever wreck your Chevy.
