-51

Going Commando

A man may only go Commando if returning from something awesome. No exceptions.

93

High Fives

If you miss the high five on the first attempt, no re-attempt can be made in a manly way. Accept defeat and move on.

66

Poker

Every man will know how to play poker, and understand the rank of hands.

Betting is not necessary to be manly, but a true man will have, at least once in his life, play a poker/blackjack session with real stakes.

56

Road Trip Pit Stops

When on a road trip, major logistical decisions may be made by the driver of the vehicle. Decisions can only be overruled by the owner of the vehicle.

This includes food and urination breaks. However, should the driver abuse his power and the vehicle becomes soiled, the driver will take full responsibility. With this considered, it is prudent of a driver to use discretion and to be reasonable

92

Bathroom Etiquette

Two men may only exchange conversation in the bathroom when performing the same tasks, both peeing, both washing hands, etc.

When choosing a urinal, a man shall always attempt to leave at least one empty urinal between him and the next user. If this is impossible, it is still imperative that the man looks directly in front of him.

This is for safety’s sake, and echo’s the Zipper law.

90

A Buddy’s Sister

A friend’s sister is completely off limits for all forms of dating activity unless the intent of marriage is provable to a court of fellow men.

For the above statement, a man is officially your friend when you have met any of the following conditions:

  • You have bought more than 1 drink for this person in the past month.
  • You have invited this person to a party, sporting event or music venue.
  • You have had any form of a man-date.
  • You have spent more than 60 minutes in conversation with this person by choice (i.e., not stuck seated adjacent on a transcontinental flight, etc.)
  • You have ever referred to this person by any of the following terms: bro, buddy, chief, this guy I know.

Notable Exceptions: The friend in question has the right to grant consent in allowing you to pursue his sister, but should not do so lightly, as a one-time consent is permanently valid and irrevocable.

Punishments:

  • Making his sister cry: The brother may swing at you up to three punches before you may engage in any form physical defense or offense. This is a tier 7 offense.
  • Making his sister pregnant: The brother may enlist as many other men as he chooses in order to start an altercation with you. At the brother’s discretion, they may beat you to any extent except death, as you will be required by man-code to provide financial support until the baby has graduated from Harvard. This is a tier 9 offense.
119

Steak

Points to remember about steak.

  • Minimum of 8 ounces to be considered manly.
  • Must be barbecued.
  • There are no leftovers.
  • Eating gristle makes you manlier.
194

Violence

In all situations, it is a man’s duty to protect himself and those around him.

If a man is seen or known to be physically abusing a woman or child, it is your duty to recruit enough fellow men to whoop his ass.

The Testicular Protection code does not apply, and you are allowed and expected to inflict any amount of pain possible in order to subdue and inform the man of his transgressions.

50

Road Trip Gasoline Expenses

Gasoline costs shall be split evenly among those participating. The vehicle’s owner may be allowed to pass on a single contribution to the fuel fund in exchange for the use of his vehicle, but this must be agreed upon in advance.

-249

Choosing a Career

A man must pursue a manly career. The following is a ranking of the top 10 manliest career paths:

10. Fireman
9. Alaskan Crab Fisherman
8. Blackhawk Pilot
7. Sharpshooter
6. Cigar Roller
5. Brewmaster
4. Marine Sniper
3. Lumberjack
2. Ninja
1. Pirate

 

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