414

A Friend’s Ex

A friend’s ex girlfriend is off limits unless any of the following conditions are met:

  • Verbal consent of the friend, witnessed by at least one other man.
  • The girl in question was involved with you prior to her interaction with the friend.
  • The friend has knowingly engaged in the pursuit of a woman you were interested in (retribution clause).

A man’s ex wife is completely off limits, punishable up to tier 7.

90

Road Trip Music

The radio is under complete control of the vehicles operator, but may be overruled by unanimous plea. Driver waives rights to music control should they ever play music that is deemed ‘not in the spirit of the road trip’ by the rest of those in the vehicle.

In the event of inability to agree on a radio station, the driver may elect that his own or another’s iPod may be used for music, but is also subject to overrule.

46

Getting a Ride Home

If a man acts as your designated driver, you owe him an equivalent favor.

Also, if your driver has managed to attract a woman and stands a reasonable chance of taking her home, he is entitled to place a request for you to find alternative transportation.

If the cab fare if more than your bar tab for the evening, he is expected but not obligated to pay half of it. This clause doesn’t apply if the man actually takes the woman home.

This law doesn’t apply if the man expects to hook up with his girlfriend, and is still obligated to get you home.

67

Poker

Every man will know how to play poker, and understand the rank of hands.

Betting is not necessary to be manly, but a true man will have, at least once in his life, play a poker/blackjack session with real stakes.

89

Cats and Dogs

Dogs are and shall always be man’s best friend.

Cats are plotting to kill you.

A dog is a man’s true companion. You will risk your life to save your dog’s, as he would do the same. He will be there when your woman leaves, when your car dies and when your team loses the Super Bowl by 1 point.

The cat is not a pet, it’s a mutineer, and it’s plotting to end your life as your sleep. Always keep a watchful eye.

279

DUFF – Designated Ugly/Fat Friend

…aka falling on the grenade.

A man who is performing the wingman duty is obligated to entertain the designated ugly or fat friend (DUFF) of the girl his buddy is trying to score with.

This duty can range anywhere from buying a drink to leaving the bar with her.

Should one thing lead to another, and the wingman ends up hooking up with the DUFF, an immediate vow of silence is understood and the wingman shall never hear of it again.

-250

Choosing a Career

A man must pursue a manly career. The following is a ranking of the top 10 manliest career paths:

10. Fireman
9. Alaskan Crab Fisherman
8. Blackhawk Pilot
7. Sharpshooter
6. Cigar Roller
5. Brewmaster
4. Marine Sniper
3. Lumberjack
2. Ninja
1. Pirate

71

Cheating Intervention

You must make an honest attempt to intervene before a friend has a drunken hookup with another girl while in a committed relationship.

It is not your duty to police the relationship, only to offer a friendly reminder.

If the man indicates that he is of sound mind and will, you are obligated to let him make his own mistakes.

If asked by his girlfriend, you know nothing, as per the Secrecy code, but it is expected that you have a great deal less respect for the man.

92

Wasting Beer

Beer may not be wasted in the name of fun, although splashing from drinking games like beer pong is acceptable.

First instance is requires a Tier 1 Penalty. Multiple infractions may require more severe recourse.

73

A Friend’s Beer and Temperature

A man has the right to stock the beer of his choice in his refrigerator.

No bitching will be permitted about another man’s choice of beer. This is inclusive of the man’s choice in bottles, kegs or cans.

Notable exeptions:

  • Bitching is accepted and encouraged if the said beer is not served at a proper temperatures:
    • Serve fruit beers at 40-50° F.
    • Serve wheat beers and pale lagers at 45-50° F.
    • Serve pale ales and amber or dark lagers at 50-55° F.
    • Serve strong ales, such as barley wines and Belgian ales, at 50-55° F.
    • Serve dark ales, including porters and stouts, at 55-60° F.
 

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